I’ve been thinking lately about defense systems that we set up early on in life, before we are old enough to have a mature brain with the ability to reason. These defense systems are held deeply within us, so deeply that we don’t even realize that they are there. When situations happen to us, it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under us—we can go into reaction and the defense system gets activated.

The Pathwork Guide tells us about three catagories of defense systems: the system of aggression and will; the system of submission and using one emotion to hide another, deeper emotion; and the system of withdrawal and reasoning instead of feeling. We can have a favorite or use them interchangeably. We expect our defense system to make us safe, to bring us love. Each of the defense systems, feels superior to the other two.

Suppose you choose two of them: aggression/will and submission/emotion, for example. That means we must get our way using our will all the time at the same time that we submit to others and act loving all the time! What an impossibility that is…

It seems important for us to identify which defense system we are using so that we can test out if it works. I’m sure you will find that none of these defense systems work to bring us safety and/or love. In fact, they bring the opposite most of the time—attack or withdrawal of love from us. That’s exactly what we don’t want.

If we understand this problem, we begin a journey deep within, into the world of feelings that are real and true during the time that we are in reaction. When we let ourselves feel these feelings, we gradually come to accept that we are safe when we don’t block off from what is real in us.

That gives the capability to open more to loving others no matter where they stand on matters important to us. We learn to be true to us and accept that others must make their own decisions, walk their own path. We can still keep our hearts open. We’ll never get it perfectly but can breathe more freely and love more openly.